Saturday, January 22, 2011
A Job moment
I feel like I am in one of those seasons. My life definitely isn't as bad as Job's, actually, on many levels it is good, but I still feel a similar testing on some different levels to different degrees as Job went through. I can feel the restlessness it causes because I want to know why things are happening or not happening and I get nervous about what will come out of my mouth if I let it run wild. Some times my mouth gets the better of me and stuff leaks out; the nasty gross stuff that you always hope isn't really in your heart but is. The stuff that other people might not know about you until your mouth betrays you. The complaining, the doubt and questioning God, the grumbling and sighing that Israel got into so much trouble for during their wilderness trek...
That is what I feel like I am being tested in. Despite certain things happening, despite certain circumstances not being exactly as I would like them, will I, like Job, put my hand over my mouth to ward against grumbling and just declare Father and Jesus and Holy Spirit to be good, right and just.
I am not talking about putting a plastic smile on my face and saying "every thing is fine". I am talking about honoring God and praising Him no matter what my circumstances are. It is a fast, slippery slope into a dark pit when I start questioning and trying to figure out why I am going through different circumstances. Once that downward slide starts happening, it is only moments before I am complaining and grumbling and find myself wondering why I can't hear God's voice.
I am also not only talking about putting on a good face when I am out in public or with groups of people but how I speak when I am at home speaking privately with my roommates; where "no one else" will hear. I am also speaking of my private "self talk" or times in prayer. This beast of a tongue needs to be tamed there as well.
It is a season of learning; learning how to lean, learning how to stay quiet when I need to, learning to ask well, learning to keep my gaze focused on the One who loves me and saying, "You are good!", even when I don't understand what is going on.
The hope and joy in all of that is, that is where He will come and meet with me. Just like with Job, just like with the Israelites; the moment I stop drawing away and hardening my heart, He comes and He meets with me and strengthens me. He comes and speaks to me of His character. He reminds me of all His goodness. He reminds me that this to will pass. He meets me as a Friend I can learn from and talk with, a King who has the authority and power to change times and seasons and defeat all my foes, a Father I can trust, and a Lover who I know fully loves me and will never leave nor forsake me.
So, knowing that I can put my hand over my mouth again and again and state, "You are good!" as I quiet my soul and wait for Him.